FRANKS PROBLEM

Anonymous said...
can any1 please tell me where to meet young, fit, gorgeous gentlemen with BIG schlongs???


Well no.but would you consider someone with one of the five virtues you seek cos i have .................................................................................................................................
































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the manners of a gentelman...ha ha.................but im not a chuckney ferrit u nonse...now on yer toes and dont come back.

cheesy belly button lady

this poor wee lambs work colleague has a problem....lets fix it for her.The problem goes......

double-v- said...
my friend at work wants to know why her bellybutton stinks. she said that when she inserted her finger in2 it and pulled it out her finger was green and cheesy.

Not an uncommon problem.First we need to deal with your denial that it is actually you and not your "FRIEND".Who has the problem.Admitting thats this discusting and apporant ailment is happening to you Double v.
I will fill you in on some of the background to why you have this problem.Firstly when god made us all ,he made us in bulk and moulded usm like an airfix kit.If you havent seen them its like a plastic frame and all the pieces are connected by small lengths of platic and like these airfix kits ,when God pulls us off this plastic frame it invariably leaves a we dent...This wee dent on you is your belly button,although this is not always the case i believe Ginger men were attached through the ars@holio..anyway i digress......So we now know why you have a belly button but why does it stink?
It stinks of cheese as you fine well know because of a night after downing several bottles of buckfast tonic wine you invariably find yourself a young man of dubious virture and force him to smear you semi naked body with a variety of cheese's especially thon moul;dy french minging wans that gie god fearing, right minded blokes the boak.While you rithe in a vat of unadultarated passion the like of which has not been seen in the west coast of Scotland since my first ventures into the art of love.So this tells us why it is cheesy........
Now we need to ask ourselves why is it green?.......Well i dont have a fecking clue.....You my smelly wee mate should take yersel ta the doctor cos you have serios complaint their.It actually sounds like Fanny rot....The only cure for this is to have your chuff cut off and replaced with an artificial wan....Like the ones i hear they sell in Annie Summurs for the boys that are too lazy ot too ugly to either get a burd or have a Halo .
So to summerise,you will always have a belly,stop getting boys to rub cheese on you and get a fanny transplant.
............Oh and stay away from me you sound Ripe...

I hope that helps if notill be a grey haired Pot bellied handsome chap.

THE LADIE SEEK FUN TIMES

This poor wee soul has a problem that ....makes me mauve with anger....It goes.
annonomus says
pleae help we are a couple of saddos who once had a social life fighting the cause now this is over we miss all our wonderfull nights out i.e. burger king at 2.30am in glasgow is not to be missed, can you please give us some help in some other cause that is looking for a reduntant possie!

Ah my heart goes out to you.
Reading between the lines i can sense that the mere existance of tupperware,makes you retch like a small horse running on a thursday.Me too.It is also apparent that you have an eversion to cheap fast food restaraunt beavers.The solution is simple get yourself a stick and the next time the Beaver pops out,Smak him right between the eyes....Try and get his confidence first by giving him a wee tickle or a big sausage.........Oh do this before you hit him or the other part will be very difficult.Then nick down to the nearest shop and buy some out of date "Shake and Vac" and spread it on next doors weasils ears while cavorting naked in the back garden shouting "I HAVE A SIGNED CELTIC BALL AND IM GONNY TAKE IT AFF THAT WUMMIN I GAVE IT TOO AND GIE IT TO PATTAGONY FOR SOLVING MY PROBLEMS....................TRUMPET".
I hope that helps you if not rub your leggs with vim and dress as a clown while firing ping pong balls out of your @;,ff ,HongKong style into the assembled leadership of you local councils education Department who have been smothered in jam , sand and jaunty hats.
I BET THAT WORKS.......Especially the football thing.....Ill swap it for a signed Niel Lennon Book.......
OR Just setup a wee night oot for the goodguys and no invites to the bad guys......

SINGLE TOTTY LOOKING FOR SUN FUN

Todays problem from a single mom goes.
Hope you can help with this little problem of mine. for first time in my life i find myself going on holliday as a single adult.but the children are accompaning me. How can I have FUN without them?
Redaing between the lines i can see that you have a police record for using selotape to remove your bakini line on the 42 bus to Possil while rubbing your eyes and shouting SPATULA YA BAM on a thursday.
If your a good looker find yourself a man whos good with his hands......Say i guy who can draw anything........It sjust a thought ....THINKABOUT IT.......you know you want it....anyway i digress.
This is a common problem these days due to the labour government.Thier anti single parent policies mean that it is not legal to leave your kids locked up in the kitchen while you go away and have fun in the sun.It s just another factor in this nanny state we live in.So the solution is easy........
Go to the pound shop in Parkhead forge.....the one where my susies Index shop was before it moved to the other end of the forge and subsiquently shut down as i said it would to the Boss.Surfice to say he never took my advice which ment my Susie was made redundant and had to suffer my company for months....but i digress.....So get the bus from Bargeddie to Bailleston then change to a number 62....Get off the bus at the forge and go into the pound shop.There you will find the answer to your problem.Oh take £2 with you .....you'll need it or the whole thing would have been a waste of time.In the shop buy a family size pack of kiddon moustaches for a pound.With the other pound buy either a 48 pack of super glue or 200 carpet tacks....What ever you prefer.As you are about to depart on your holiday take the kids to the kitchen,give them a mans pipe each and throw flour on thier heads.Take the pack of moustaches out and your glue or carpet tacks and fix one onto each kid.use the glue if you are going for a week cos it will probably fall of but to be safe nail them on with the carpet tacs.
Then lock the door and go to the airport safe in the knowledge that even if the social services do call at your home when your lying butt naked on the beach covered in the italian power boat team of 3 hunky brothers who have just satisfied all your needs and some you did'nt realise that you had.You filthy mixen, you'll be bruised for weeks oh but it will be worth it......you slut.They will only find some old men in the kitchen who they will probably give some soup and tripe to keep them happy.
I HOPE YOU TAKE THIS ADVICE IF YOU DONT JUST REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO INDEX.Think on..........

SCOTS WAYHAY

ANNON HAS A QUESTION NOT A PROBLEM AND IT GOES......
do you all have small legs and that makes your willies look bigger.
tHE ANSWER TO THIS IS NO WE ALL HAVE BIG COCKS THAT MAKE OUR LEGS LOOK SMALL..........TOUCHY YOU CHEEKY MINSTERAL....

ANNONS WEE PROBLEM

I recieved a request for advice from an unknown person whos name will remain nameless.For this reason i will keep the authors name
David O hagan,
7b ginger place.
Copperhead.
Dudley.
tO MYSELF.and his problem goes.
why cant we get condoms to fit small willies?
By the wording of your problem i deduse that both you and your boyfriend both have small willies,as you refer to you as we.I cant help you with the fact you have a maggot but there are some tricks you could use to disguise the size.
1/ only have sex with very short people, who only come up to your bawsack.This will give them the impression you have a monster.....for a few seconds.
2/ grow your pubes to a really wild bushy state until they cover you tiny knob,
then you can pretend to be a girl.
3/buy a 20 pack of party balloons to use instead.Not only are they cheaper and better value but they are made of thicker rubber than a johnny so therefore you might touch the sides.On the down side you may need to buy elastic bands to keep them on.Reading between the lines i feel another reason you cant find jonnies to fit your wee tinkler is that at an early age you were tramatised by a small Cat rearing up at you scaring your penis back into its penis chute.This has lead to you penis being scared to come out any time there's pussy about.Get yourself some cheese and a pair of tweasers and try and coax the wee bastard out.When hes out tie an elastic band at the base ,this will make it appear larger.Dont leave it on too long as it will go black and then fall off.
The fact that you are bashfully shy dosent help.I want you to be more forcefull.I want you to go into Tesco and shout "I have a wee dick!Do you have any jonnies for a maggot".This wont help you but will give other people a laugh at you problem.And you may help some other more fortunate people.
So to summerise Rub your cock with a mouldy cucumber and stick it out the window untill it attracts a blue light .Then runaway.This will train your brain to think of other problems other than the half sausage and you might leave me alon you wierdo.Now on your toes .....you scollop.
I hope that helps.....If not yer fecked ya plum.