THE LADIES PROBLEM

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.LEAVE IT ON THE COMMENTS PAGE AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSIBLE.NO REAL PROBLEMS THOUGH ,IM NOT A REAL AGONY AUNT.
Heres a real Problem from a lady called The-girl-who-thinks-boys-are-stupid
and it reads.
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Dear pattagony,
Are all boys stupid or maybe is there any other which is smart like u?

Cheers,
The-girl-who-thinks-boys-are-stupid .

Well the answer to your problem is quite easy.
Firstly you need to lower your standards.Men as a species are pretty Thick.If you hope to find one that is more intelligent than the average shoe or biscuit tin,Then you do have a problem.Men are simple creatures ,As long as they are fed,Have some form of Physical content and are aloud to read newspapers in the toilet then they are generally happy wee things, that will perform any trick you need them to perform.So i suggest you buy some pies for him to eat,Give him lashings of affection and physical manipulation of his man appendage (In all the various formats available to you).Also buy a magazine rack for your bathroom and stock it full of all his favourite newspapers and magazines....oh dont put any rude ones in or you might not get the use of his man stuff.In conjunction with a lowering of you un-achievable standards.
If you follow all these actions it wont be long until you can not only catch a man but from that moment you can train him to do whatever you want.Though dont hope to increase his mental strength...cos he'll just forget everything after eating a pie.
As for a man as smart as me ......There is one my twin brother Artt.He to is a 15 stone ,pot bellied hunk with balding grey hair and a fantastic sence of humour.His intrests are eating,reading and having his little man arrangement tampered with.But im affraid hes unavailable.....cos i just made him up....I Hope this solves your problem and i hope to hear of your successes in the future.Ifound this recipe on a far better Blog it may help.
3 guys + 1 girl + one pack of kuaci + mars bars + snicker bars + snacks + 2 cans of fizzyness = absolute Feng Tau-ness.
Oh and stay away from guys in Panda suits.

A LETTER FROM A MAVIS

Hello fans,I recieved a letter from a Mavis of Linwood Paisley and it reads.
Dear Pattagony,
Over the years my Waistline has expanded To in excess of 52 inches.To try and compensate for this dramatic body shape altering problem.I have grown my hair in the Style of one of them Hillbilly fuckers(You know the ones that sleep with thier sisters,who happen to be thier mothers and long lost cousin,all in one)).In a desperate attempt to Distract the Public from my Pat like shape.All this folical reshaping has not worked and i not only get calls of Fat Bastard from the local Priest but i also get you Mullit headed pig fucker,oh and Homo.
This is getting me down ,So much so that i Had to pay for a lady of exotic origin to be my girlfriend,This to was to direct the topic of conversation away from my jelly belly.I WAS ONCE PROUD TO BE THE Paisley Panda.Then they asked me too leave as the giant Panda suit was getting a bit tight and had some unusual stains in the crotch....but thats a different matter.I hope you can find a solution.oh and my dog shits behind the Tv.Can you help.
Mavis(Im a boy not a girl).

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

.........And no one can help .......Ask pattagony who will give poor quality and probably very wrong or dangerous adive that will probably make things worse.But fuck it it might be fun.So if you have a wee willy.or you think you have mange,or you've had a 3some and you need advice ask the agony Patt.No prob;em to small.No advice senciable.So comment away and i will try to solve your every problem.......Oh no Gay problems ,I dont have a clue about all that stufff.