"sorry for the inconvience"

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.LEAVE IT ON THE COMMENTS PAGE AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSIBLE.NO REAL PROBLEMS THOUGH ,IM NOT A REAL AGONY AUNT.
Todays problem goes

My problem is this: when signs say "sorry for the inconvience" and I am hugely inconvenienced by the sign's spelling. (I know a few people who have recently been to Scotland and love it.)

Finally you have came to the right place.Your problem is not only complex but trivial.As this problem has 3 interconnecting facits that compound each other we first need to seperate them and deal with them individually.
Firstly i can see that with your hair colouring,there is no way you should wear tweed jackets but you persist in doing so.This leads your neighbours to distrust you and in a sinister way shun you in public.You have left yourself open to the Public mocking you have become acustomed to.You should chage to a cordaroy / nylon twist overcoat with a high collar.This wont help but it will give the nieghbours something different to talk about.
Secondly,reading between the lines of your text.It is apparent that you like to nail flapjacks to the back of oldfolks heads.THIS PRACTICE MUST STOP AND STOP NOW.dONT YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE STARVING IN ,Paisley,Glagow.When you have this urge simply pop the flapjack into an envalope addressed to Paisley starving folk,Paisley,Glasgow.Then slap your own face.
Thirdly,Dress up as a Doctor and watch peoples reaction to you change ,instantly.Feel free to administer medical advice to any sick folk who speak to you and then charge them £50 a pop.Not only will this be finacialy lucrative but it will do you self esteam the world of good and may stop you masterbating in public.You should also involve another person in your sex lfe,You never know you might like it and it may keep the police off your back.

I hope this helps if not well,Thats you hard cheese.I dont care.Im not your problem solving Monkey....What do you take me for you fool.

Oh im happy you enjoyed Scotland its a great wee place.

PATTAGONYS PROBLEM

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.LEAVE IT ON THE COMMENTS PAGE AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSIBLE.NO REAL PROBLEMS THOUGH ,IM NOT A REAL AGONY AUNT.

I need help myself.

Even though i get a high volume of blogger traffic,It has become clear that people are afraid or ashamed to tell thier problems to the world even though they would benefit from the advice given and undoughtedly be a better person for thier troubles.
I think either i have solved all the problems in the world already by covering the topics in this blog.....OR....People just dont want help.

I do.I need to help .....So

Please leave your problem as a comment and i will cure what aills you.If you dont have a problem tell your friend,who obviously has several problems about the site and i will unravel thier messed up lives.

Its payback time i want your problems and you in return can laugh at others missfortune.It a win win situation.

PLLastlic Flanny

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.LEAVE IT ON THE COMMENTS PAGE AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSIBLE.NO REAL PROBLEMS THOUGH ,IM NOT A REAL AGONY AUNT.

TODAYS PROBLEM COMES FROM ANNON AND IT GOES
Pattagony
I desperately need your help. I was abducted by aliens and no one believes me. Since I was abducted I have now found hair growing in strange places, like under my nose and also down below.
This is really distressing now and have got to the point where I have bought one thon plastic fannies to keep me company.
What do I do????
This is an all to common problem and fair play to you ,you've taken the first steps to solving it.
The solution to your quandry is very complex.Firstly i can see that from the way you write that you have a lisp.words like crisp fill you with dread.You go to the local spar and ask for a packet of chleese and onylin clisp.This is then followed by the shopkeeper and any customers in the store having a wee laugh at your expence.These all to common incidents have left you feeling allianated and outcasted from normal society.The repacutions of these event have been so dramatic that they have left you with a nervous twitch which only compounds your already painfull problem.I can see that it has been many years since you have eaten a pack of chleese and onylin clisps because of your impediment and have only been able to order Plain crisps as it sounds the same no matter how many Ls you put in it.This has left your mouth full of ulsors due to the high salt content in the said crisps this inturn causes your mouth to slabber making you even more ridiculas than you have ever looked when ordering potatoe based snacks.The combined effect of the Lisp,the twitch and the slabbering leed me to believe that your statement that you AND I QUOTE

" I have got to the point where I have bought one thon plastic fannies to keep me company".
Is a complete lie.I can just picture you going into the plastic fannies shop,Twitching and slabbering and asking for a "PLLASTLIC FLANNY ".This senario could never have happened.
The Fanny sales man would have said "Sorry ?"
You would say "Clan i halve a PLLASTLIC FLANNY Plleeese"
The Fanny sales man would have said "Sorry ?"

This cenario would have gone on for ages until the sales man just might happen on a japanese version of a plastic fanny ,called the I.T GUYS BEST CHANCE OF GETTING HIS HOLE .The great japanese PLLASTLIC FLANNY.
This could not happen and if it did the afore mentioned flanny would not work on a european PenisCOCKwillie as it is well known that the oriental Flanny goes sidey ways, as proven when nude oriental women slide down bannisters and thier chuffs make the same noise as when you push your lips out and blow while changing the tone of the noise with you finger.This is proof perfect that you are a compulsive lier and are not to be trusted as for the Alien abduction nonse ,That probably happened for there is no credible explanation to having hair down below.So i think you did get abducted and i would check your arsehole Daily in case an Alien comes out and can speak correctly when ordering crisps just to rub you nose in the fact even cunts from outer space are better than you.
I hope that helps.I f not well you never paid for the advice so you cant complain.So dont come on here giving it the high and mighty.Take it or leave it i dont care....Now on yer toes ....yooooooooooooou freak.